With the divorce rate soaring, many couples are looking for answers in their quest for a successful marriage. Start with a memorable wedding reception.

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Right now, you may be enmeshed in the glorious specifics of planning a wedding, burdened with the seemingly endless array of decisions, experiencing the highs and lows of enchantment and disappointment. It is, for many brides and grooms, an all-consuming venture. “My brain is always thinking what am I missing, and I’ve already been planning for two years,” says bride-to-be Kelsey Ajango, an American based in Wisconsin, who’ll marry Mike Lager, her boyfriend of seven years, this fall. “It even happens,” she admits, “while I’m at work.”

And, as long as it is a fun preoccupation, and moreover, one you can enjoy with your future spouse, making mutual choices, bonding all the while, why not? You’re gathering storytelling material to share with your children (if you have them), and friends and family. You can, as many have before you, start with an examination of Melbourne function venues and design and produce a most memorable wedding reception to begin the rest of your life together.

But don’t forget what all the planning is for – marriage, your commitment to each other, the premise for what should be, the rest of your life. We took a cautious research venture to see if we could reveal the secrets to a happy, fulfilled partnership.

Image by Nadja Antonova via Flickr

Kindness, it seems, is key. Many confuse being nice with being kind and while that is an understandable mistake, they’re actually different. The easiest way to explain: nice is the superficial, which you should happily use in your daily life’s interactions. Consider kindness as something deeper, more profound, and more impactful. One of the smartest men we know says it best: “It’s about letting go of the need to always be right.” And, this is a philosophy to live by, and, to apply during this potentially tempestuous time of wedding planning.

Preeminent couples therapy researcher John Gottman, co-author of The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage has spend hundreds of research hours observing and chronicling the very subject of that book. Gottman, who is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, is world-renowned in the study of couple dynamics. He cites the following components are necessary to sustain a long-term relationship:

1. They are gentle with each other.
2. They spend time in and enjoy conversation with each other.
3. They allow for influence by their partner.
4. They do keep score by remembering the good things their partner does for them.
5. Each partner knows themselves reasonably well.
6. Each partner honors the others’ dreams.
7. There is a positive sense of humor in the relationship.
8. There are shared goals and a sense of team-work in the relationship.
9. There are good conflict resolution skills in the relationship. (Sometimes this means doing something, and sometimes it means lettings things take care of themselves.)
10. There is a sense of continued romance in the relationship.
11. Contempt, for the partner, in all its forms, will more than anything else bring the relationship down. It needs to be avoided or worked through.

In 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, psychologist Terri Orbuch cites the following as valuable tips:

1. Expect less and get more from your partner (offer two top expectations to see if they mesh)
2. Give incentives and rewards (affirmations like “I love you,” “You’re my best friend.”)
3. Have daily briefings for improved communication (practice a 10-minute rule: every single day, talk to your partner for at least 10 minutes about anything but work, family, household duties or the relationship.)
4. Implement change (don’t get in a rut, keep things fresh)
5. Keep costs low and benefits high (happy couples have a five to one ratio, five positive feelings or experiences for every one negative.

While she says “If you’re having conflict, you aren’t talking about the important issues in your relationship,” reserve those arguments and fights for the right time (she doesn’t recommend visits or night), it’s also a myth that you shouldn’t go to bed mad, because staying up can make things worse; don’t fight irritated, exhausted and angry. The following morning is much better. As the old song goes, “accentuate the positive” and strengthen what you do well.

This article is contributed by Media Buzzer.